I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is it penis luge time yet?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
