I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
