She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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