he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
