are you so shy because you have an std?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need a beard to bite.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
