I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
