He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize