5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
