you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
