I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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