Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
