Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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