She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just google imaged poop.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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