Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
