just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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