I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
