fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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