Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
