he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
