And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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