im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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