new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
