Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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