There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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