Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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