I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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