I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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