Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
