True but thats because hes a fetus.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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