Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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