Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize