So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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