I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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