Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
