I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just blew my weed a kiss
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
