Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
