i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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