She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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