I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
