The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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