I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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