Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
