Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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