I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
