Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
