You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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