Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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