Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
