you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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