Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
