Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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