The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
