This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
