She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
