Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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