Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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