Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
