Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
