Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
