went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
this is an emotional support booty call
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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