You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
