Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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