I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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