He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
