I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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