i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
