i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
