for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
