Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize