is your mom at the bar?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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